Buddy, the charismatic brindle Boxer brought to the small screen by Toyota South Africa and its marketing partner of nearly half a centurys’ standing, Draftfcb Johannesburg, has featured in a few television commercials. These commercials are amongst the few that I really don’t mind watching – over and over and over again.

Sophistication in a Toyota Corolla

Buddy is introduced to the South African public as a sophisticated, aristocratic beast of pedigree who disassocates himself with any lower form of life.

What a chop

In this commercial the canine star is off to a dry Karoo farm for the Toyota Hilux. Buddy abandons any attempts to behave with sophistication and grace. Instead, he has fun on the farm mocking the sheep he encounters and making bad jokes, while recognising the Hilux’s toughness. This is my favourite “Buddy” commercial – “what a chop”!

Game Park with the Wild Dogs

In this commercial he is on a game drive, once again pulling up his nose at the “lesser” elements of the animal kingdom.

Automark Used Cars – I don’t do tricks

Here Buddy is strolling through a used car lot, quite adamant that he “doesn’t do tricks!!!”.

If you have any other links to share of really classic commercials that have been made, please post a link – I would love to hear about them. (Please note – this is NOT an invitation for you to market your own product – regardless of how good you think it is, or of how important you think your miracle pharmaceutical product might be – I will not approve/moderate your post)

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I hope you enjoy these ones…

Rock Paper Scissors League

Exerpt from Wikipedia:

The United States of America Rock Paper Scissors League is a national competition league for the hand game rock paper scissors. The first national champion was crowned on 9 April 2006 at the USARPS League Championship, which was held at the Mandalay Bay Hotel in Las Vegas, Nevada and televised by the A&E Network on 12 June. The champion is awarded a $50,000 cash prize.

See: Official USARPS website

Tuna Chucking

A very interesting sports competition is taking place in Australia – tuna throwing. The contestants twirl the frozen fish around above their heads (a rope is tied to fish’s tail) and then toss it far ahead vigorously. Sean Carlin, a former Olympic hammer thrower is the absolute champion in the tuna-throwing competition. His record is 37.23 meters, the local Adventure newspaper wrote.

Fortunately (for the environment, economy and plain common sense), organizers of the Tunarama Festival, held each January in Port Lincoln on the remote Eyre Peninsula, are altering the highlight event – by replacing the actual tuna with polyurethane replicas. Previously, the tail came off, the fins came off, the eyes fell out and then the underbelly broke, and it really got to be extremely messy.

See: Daily Waste

Bog Snorkelling

This year a record number of entrants donned a snorkel, flippers, and in many cases fancy dress, to cover 120 yards in a peat bog in Llanwrtyd Wells, Powys, Mid Wales. Just to make it that bit harder, they weren’t allowed to swim using conventional strokes, with officials insisting they doggy paddle or hold their arms out in front of them. Despite the rain, which turned the car park into something resembling a bog itself, hundreds of people turned out to witness the eccentric spectacle. Competitors came to the event from as far afield as Australia. Some took part in their pyjamas, some in camouflage – and one man even had an ironing board and iron strapped to his back.

See: Metro

Stinging Nettle Eating

Nettles first came to the fore at the Bottle Inn around 1986 when two farmers were having an argument as to who had the longest nettles on their land. The Landlady then was Francis Vincent who commented “What makes you to think you have the longest nettles, we’ll have a competition open to every one in the area and we’ll see who has the longest nettles”! The Longest Stinging Nettle Competition was born. The competition had been running for three years when local hospital porter and Ex Guardsman, Alex Williams entered a stinging nettles 15’6″ long, he said at the time “If anybody beats that I’ll eat it.

An American couple on holiday staying in the area came up with a nettle 16′ long and Alex true to his word, promptly ate the nettle!! (though to this day, he disputes the measurement). After that traditionally if Alex didn’t win the competition, he ate the winners Nettle. In 1997, when Shane Pym became landlord of The Bottle Inn, he decided to have a musical celebration of the Summer Solstice, the idea being a kind of Medieval Fayre with jugglers, stilt walkers etc.. One night at the bar looking for something as a side show to the event we now call Midsummer Madness we suggested to Alex that we might put him in a corner of the beer garden and and challenge anybody to eat more nettles than he could.

As Alex pointed out throughout the course of the day he was likely to consume a great deal of stinging nettles, we therefore decided to run a competition calling it the World Stinging Nettle Eating Challenge and putting Alex forward as pub Champion. Thus was the Stinging Nettle Eating Challenge born. It has been a successful competition gaining much media interest nationally and inter-nationally.

See: The Bottle Inn

Swamp Soccer

Swamp Soccer originates from the swamps of Finland in northern Europe. Started by some cross country skiers who were training in the swamps during the summer months, Finland held its first tournament in 1997 with 13 teams. Now this event has become a massive football competition with over 200 teams. Annual tournaments now also occur in Sweden, Iceland and of course the UK.

See: Swap Soccer

Cheese Rolling

If you’re a whiz at cheese rolling, you may want to head to Brockworth in Gloucestershire, England, at the annual Cooper’s Hill Cheese Roll held each May. The ancient festival dates back hundreds of years and involves pushing and shoving a large, mellow, seven- to eight-pound wheel of ripe Gloucestershire cheese downhill in a race to the bottom. With the wheels of cheese reaching up to 70 miles per hour, runners chase, tumble, and slide down the hill after their cheese but don’t usually catch up until the end. The winner gets to take home his or her cheese, while the runners-up get cash prizes.

See: How stuff works

]]> http://brucewaynehart.com/2009/01/youve-got-to-be-kidding/feed/ 0 http://brucewaynehart.com/2008/11/a-decent-explanation/ http://brucewaynehart.com/2008/11/a-decent-explanation/#comments Wed, 12 Nov 2008 17:56:26 +0000 batman http://brucewaynehart.com/?p=155 (This guy “almost” deserves to get off)

The wife came home early and found her husband in their bedroom making love to a very attractive young woman and was somewhat upset!

‘You are a disrespectful pig!’ she cried. ‘How dare you do this to me — a faithful wife, the mother of your children! I’m leaving you. I want a divorce straight away!’

And the husband replied ‘Hang on just a minute love, so at least I can tell you what happened.’

‘Fine, go ahead,’ she sobbed, ‘but they’ll be the last words you’ll ever say to me!!

And the husband began –

‘Well, I was getting into the car to drive home and this young lady here asked me for a lift. She looked so down and out and defenceless that I took pity on her and let her into the car. I noticed that she was thin, poorly dressed and very dirty. She told me that she hadn’t eaten for three days!

So, in my compassion, I brought her home and warmed up the enchiladas I made for you last night – the ones you wouldn’t eat because you’re afraid you’ll put on weight. The poor thing devoured them in moments.

Since she needed a good clean up I suggested a shower, and while she was doing that I noticed her clothes were dirty and full of holes, so I threw them away.

Then, as she needed clothes, I gave her the designer jeans that you have had for a few years, but don’t use because you say they are too tight. I also gave her the underwear that was your anniversary present, which you don’t use because I don’t have good taste. I went and found the sexy blouse my sister gave you for Christmas – the one that you don’t wear just to annoy her, and I also donated those boots you bought at that expensive shoe boutique and don’t use because someone at work has a pair the same.’

The husband took a quick breath and continued – ‘She was so grateful for my understanding and help and as I walked her to the door she turned to me with tears in her eyes and said, ‘Please, do you have anything else that your wife doesn’t use?’

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Sports

They called it golf because all of the other good four-letter words were already taken

Love & Marriage

Children really brighten up a household – they never turn the lights off

The big difference between sex for money and sex for free is that sex for money costs less.

Marriage is the most expensive way of getting your washing done for free

Other

Ever wondered why you never hear the words “Psychic wins the Lottery!”?

How do you know when your invisible ink is finished?

Should you have some (tasteful and above-board) quotes to share, please add a comment, and I will consider publishing it.

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Blue Bulls player: “Doctor, doctor, every morning when I get up and look in the mirror – I feel like throwing up. What’s wrong with me?”

Doctor: “I don’t know, but your eyesight is perfect.”

Brave Call

A rugby referee died and went to heaven. Stopped by St Peter at the gates he was told that only brave people who had performed heroic deeds and had the courage of their convictions could enter. If the ref could describe a situation in his life where he had shown these characteristics, he would be allowed in.

“Well,” said the ref, “I was reffing a game between the Blue Bulls and Natal Sharks at Loftus Versveld. The Bulls were 2 points ahead, 1 minute to go. The Natal wing made a break, passed inside to his lock. The lock was driven on by his forwards, passed out to the flanker who ducked blind and went over in the corner. However, the flanker dropped the ball before he could ground it, and as Natal were clearly the better side all game, I ruled that he had dropped the ball down, not forward, and awarded the try.”

“OK, that was fairly brave of you, but I will have to check it in the book.” says Peter, and disappears to look it up. When he comes back he says “Sorry, there is no record of this. Can you help me to trace it? When did all this happen?”

The ref looked at his watch and replied “45 seconds ago.”

Vicious Rottweiler

2 boys are playing cricket on a field in Durban, one is attacked by a vicious Rottweiler. Thinking quickly, the other boy took his cricket bat and managed to wedge it down the dog’s collar and twist,luckily breaking the dog’s neck and stopping its attack. A reporter sees the incident, and rushes over to interview the boy.

“Young Sharks Fan Saves Friend From Vicious Animal, “he starts writing in his notebook.

“But I’m not a Sharks fan,” the little hero replied.

“Sorry, since we are in Durban, I just assumed you were,” said the reporter and starts again.

“Western Province Fan Rescues Friend from Horrific Attack …”

“I’m not a Western Province fan either!” the boy said.

“I assumed everyone in Durban was either for the Sharks or Western Province.” “So what team DO you root for?”

“I’m a Blue Bulls fan!” the child beamed.

The reporter starts a new sheet in his notebook and writes,

“Little Bastard from Pretoria Kills Beloved Family Pet

Little Willie

Little Willie was in his junior school class when the teacher asked the children what their fathers did for a living. All the typical answers came up;-

Fireman, policeman, salesman, politician; Willie was being uncharacteristically quiet and so the teacher asked him about his father.

“My father’s an exotic dancer in a gay club and takes off all his clothes in front of other men. Sometimes, if the offer’s really good, he’ll go out with a man, rent a cheap room and let them shag him.”

The teacher hurriedly set the other children to work on some colouring and then took Little Willie aside.

She asked him, “Is that really true about your father?”

“No,” said Willie, “My father plays rugby for the Blue Bulls, but I was just too embarrassed to say”.

Family Ties

Dear Dr Ruth,

I am a crack dealer in Kempton Park, Gauteng. I was recently diagnosed as a carrier of the HIV virus. My parents live in Hillbrow and one of my sisters, who lives in Benoni, is married to a transvestite.

My father and mother were recently arrested for growing and selling marijuana. They are financially dependent on my other two sisters, who are prostitutes in Brakpan. I have two brothers; one is currently serving a non-parole life sentence at Leeukop Central Prison for the murder of a teenage boy in 1994. My other brother is currently in jail awaiting charges of sexual misconduct with his three children.

I recently got engaged to marry a former prostitute who lives in Yeoville. She is now a part time “working girl”. All things considered, my problem is this. I love my fiancé and look forward to bringing her into the family. I certainly want to be totally open and honest with her. Should I tell her that my cousin is Luke Watson?

The Operation

An Englishman wanted to become an Irishman, so he visited a doctor to find out how to go about this. “Well” said the doctor, “this is a very delicate operation and there is a lot that can go wrong. I will have to remove half your brain”. “That’s OK” said the Englishman. “I’ve always wanted to be Irish and I’m prepared to take the risk”.

The operation went ahead but the Englishman woke to find a look of horror on the face of the doctor. “I’m so terribly sorry!!” the doctor said. “Instead of removing half the brain, I’ve taken the whole brain out”. The patient replied, “No worries, mate!!”

Balance

Once upon a time in the Kingdom of Heaven, God went missing for Six days. Eventually, Michael the Archangel found him, resting on the seventh day. He inquired of God, “Where have you been?”

God sighed a deep sigh of satisfaction and proudly pointed downwards through the clouds, “Look Michael, look what I’ve made.” Archangel Michael looked puzzled and said, “What is it?”

“It’s a planet, replied God, “and I’ve put LIFE on it. I’m going to call it Earth and it’s going to be a great place of balance”.

“Balance?” inquired Michael, still confused.

God explained, pointing to different parts of Earth.

“For example, Northern Europe will be a place of great opportunity and wealth while Southern Europe is going to be poor; the Middle East over there will be a hot spot.”

“Over there I’ve placed a continent of white people and over there is a continent of black people” God continued, pointing to different countries. “And over there, I call this place America.

North America will be rich and powerful and cold, while South America will be poor, and hot and friendly. And the little spot in the middle is Central America which is a Hot spot. Can you see the balance?”

“Yes” said the Archangel, impressed by Gods work, then he pointed to a smallish land mass and asked, “What’s that one?”

“Ah” said God. “That’s New Zealand, the most glorious place on Earth. There are beautiful mountains, rainforests, rivers, streams and an exquisite coast line. The people are good looking, intelligent and humorous and they’re going to be found traveling the world. They’ll be extremely sociable, hard-working and high-achieving, and they will be known throughout the world as diplomats and carriers of peace. I’m also going to give them super- human, undefeatable, strong in character citizens who will be admired and feared by all who come across them”.

Michael gasped in wonder and admiration but then exclaimed, “You said there will be BALANCE!”

God replied wisely. “Wait until you see the buggers I’m putting next to them”

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This was written by a guy ….. it’s pretty damn smart.

Girls — Please have a sense of humor! I never quite figured out why the sexual urge of men and women differ so much. And I never have figured out the whole Venus and Mars thing. I have never figured out why men think with their head and women with their heart.

FOR EXAMPLE:

One evening last week, my girlfriend and I were getting into bed. Well, the passion starts to heat up, and she eventually says, ‘I don’t feel like it, I just want you to hold me.’

I said, ‘WHAT??!! What was that?!’

So she says the words that every boyfriend on the planet dreads to hear…

‘You’re just not in touch with my emotional needs as a woman enough for me to satisfy your physical needs as a man.’

She responded to my puzzled look by saying, ‘Can’t you just love me for who I am and not what I do for you in the bedroom?’

Realizing that nothing was going to happen that night, I went to sleep.

The very next day I opted to take the day off of work to spend time with her. We went out to a nice lunch and then went shopping at a big, big unnamed department store. I walked around with her while she tried on several different very expensive outfits. She couldn’t decide which one to take, so I told her we’d just buy them all. She wanted new shoes to compliment her new clothes, so I said, ‘Lets get a pair for each outfit.’

We went on to the jewelery department where she picked out a pair of diamond earrings. Let me tell you… she was so excited. She must have thought I was one wave short of a shipwreck. I started to think she was testing me because she asked for a tennis bracelet when she doesn’t even know how to play tennis.

I think I threw her for a loop when I said, ‘That’s fine, honey.’ She was almost nearing sexual satisfaction from all of the excitement. Smiling with excited anticipation, she finally said, ‘I think this is all dear, let’s go to the cashier.’

I could hardly contain myself when I blurted out, ‘No honey, I don’t feel like it.’

Her face just went completely blank as her jaw dropped with a baffled, ‘WHAT?’

I then said, ‘Honey! I just want you to HOLD this stuff for a while. You’re just not in touch with my financial needs as a man enough for me to satisfy your shopping needs as a woman.’

And just when she had this look like she was going to kill me, I added, ‘Why can’t you just love me for who I am and not for the things I buy you?’

Apparently I’m not having sex tonight either….

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According to a statement made by Post Office spokesman Gift Mkhize, the new retail outlets would operate on a cash-only, first-come first-served, don’t-ask-don’t-tell basis. He added that for those customers who did not feel like queuing there would be “mobile franchises” parked near most branches, where the public was welcome to buy goods out of the boots of Post Office employees’ cars.

Asked if the Post Office was ashamed at being the only postal service in Africa to be blacklisted by the US retail giant, Mkhize was defiant, saying that Amazon’s bold branding on its packaging was to blame for the rampant pilfering. “Those parcels have ‘Amazon’ written all over them,” he said. “Our employees find this very provocative.” “Most of our staff are functionally illiterate, but over the years, handling many printed items, some of them have developed a rudimentary sense of lettering, and that big A and big Z are unmistakable.”

He said that expecting Post Office staff not to pocket their clients’ packages was “as naive as expecting Members of Parliament not to fiddle their expense accounts”.

According to Mkhize, the decision to sell merchandise outside the back door of branches had been made at board level, after initial anti-theft measures proved ineffective. He said that a 2003 initiative to install metal detectors at staff entrances had been compromised when all the metal detectors were stolen by employees, who then sold them back to the Post Office, which subsequently lost them.

“It was very demoralizing,” he said. “At least this way our employees feel like stakeholders in the whole process.”

Meanwhile a police spokesman has admitted that postal theft is very difficult to tackle. Superintendent Magda Siff said that the problem was compounded by the fact that Post Offices clerks traditionally moved “incredibly slowly”. “Anyone who has ever used a Post Office in South Africa knows that it takes up to 20 minutes for the sullen lady at Counter 4 to get off her stool, waddle into a back room, have a cup of tea and packet of tennis biscuits, and waddle back with the wrong parcel. “During this time she has any number of opportunities to secret away DVDs and suchlike in her industrial-strength underwear.” She said new bras featuring heavy-duty underwires, high-tensile nylon straps and titanium clasps could cope with much greater loads. “We’re seeing small TVs, ant farms, box sets of Desperate Housewives. That kind of stuff.”

Compliments of The News Reporter – PRETORIA, 19 July 2008

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The woman below replied, “You’re in a hot air balloon hovering approximately 30 feet above the ground. You’re between 40 and 41 degrees north latitude and between 59 and 60 degrees west longitude.

“You must be in IT Support” said the balloonist.

“I am,” replied the woman, “How did you know?”

“Well,” answered the balloonist, “everything you told me is technically correct, but I’ve no idea what to make of your information, and the fact is I’m still lost. Frankly, you’ve not been much help at all. If anything, you’ve delayed my trip.”

The woman below responded, “You must be in Management.”

“I am,” replied the balloonist, “but how did you know?”

“Well,” said the woman, “you don’t know where you are or where you’re going. You have risen to where you are due to a large quantity of hot air. You made a promise, which you’ve no idea how to keep, and you expect people beneath you to solve your problems. The fact is you are in exactly the same position you were in before we met, but now, somehow, it’s my fault.”

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